She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
