I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
