i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
