mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just pee around me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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