I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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