I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
