doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
