i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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