So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
