I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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