TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
