If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
