I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
