btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He felt like a one man threesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
