I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
