so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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