Dual....:-)
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
