He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
