I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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