Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
