Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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