i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
