I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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