i think my mom watched the whole time
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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