yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
