Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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