My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
