Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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