What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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