Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
