You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it because I queefed?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
