FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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