Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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