I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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