Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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