I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
