Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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