I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
