Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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