Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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