i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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