i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
