these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
