Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
