So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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