She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
