It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
