the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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