i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
whose parrot is this?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
