I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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