There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Randomize
