I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
