there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
