Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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