He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
