why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
