Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
