Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
